4/17/12

Pondering Pages: Resilience over Resentment?

I was just reading The Calling and I realized that Kelley Armstrong explored some interesting topics. One of these is that she talks about the main character, Maya, resenting others or shunning them for making bad decisions or decisions that affect her in a bad way. The thing is, I can relate. There have been times in my life when others have made decisions that affected me and I've gotten angry.

But I realized that people do what they think is best, sometimes for themselves and sometimes for those around them. And a lot of the time things don't go as planned. And you who has been been affected by a bad decision looks at the situation and you'll go: "I would've handled that differently, why didn't they?" And that's what makes you angry and resentful.
Sometimes those people only think of themselves and end up hurting you in the process, but even then it isn't personal, simply because the person was thinking of helping themselves, not of hurting you. Basically you're collateral damage. And while that might hurt, I think it's more acceptable then someone going out of their way, specifically to hurt you. Plus, there's not much you can do about it. Well, there is, you can be angry and resentful, you can even hurt the person who hurt you back, but usually that isn't as satisfying as it would seem. You just end up hurting yourself, not being able to move past it, giving the other person power over you, over your life, more often than not, unknowingly.
And then there are times that people are thinking of you when making decisions, trying to do what's best for you, but these decisions don't always turn out to be the right ones even when they were made with the best intentions.

The truth is that at the end of the day, no one is perfect. We go through life doing the best that we can, sometimes not considering the feelings of others. Other times we do, but things still go wrong? You know why? Because we're human and we make mistakes. We spend our life getting angry at each other for making mistakes,  expecting perfection from each other and often ourselves, when I'm pretty sure that we're here to learn and grow. How can we do that if we resent ourselves and others for trying to do just that? For trying to make hard decisions under, more often then not, less than ideal circumstances, claiming that we could've done it better, when I'm pretty sure we couldn't when dealing with the same circumstances. And even if we could handle things better, everyone is different. Everyone copes with different situations in the best way they can, sometimes dragging others down with them. And while it's hard, sitting around moping or curling up into a ball or blaming someone else for all your problems doesn't help. At all.

What does help is realizing nothing and no one is perfect, not even you and making the best of your life, reacting in the best way possible to what life...and people throw at you. We might not always be able to control our circumstances, but we can control our reactions, and more often than not we'll realize that we have choices, however small and limited and that we possess the power to control our own life despite our circumstances.

We have the power to get out of bed in the morning, even when we feel that life is hard and that people are unfair. We have the ability to believe in hope, miracles and ourselves. And we have the ability to love, to trust and to forgive. Don't underestimate the power of forgiveness. We also have the hidden gift of being resilient even when we feel we aren't.

One of my favorite quotes is this:
"The great, wonderful quality of human beings is that we can overcome even absolute terror, and we do"
-Isabel Allende


I decided to add the music video of one of my favorite songs because...why not?


And another one, because it's two for one day. Just go with it.




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